so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
