and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
