He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
