Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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