I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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