I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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