my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My feet surprised me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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