ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
