im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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