what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
