My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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