Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You're like the curious george of whores
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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