Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.