she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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