I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
