Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
