yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
