I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
