Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
