he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
