I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
