Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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