it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We are two peas in an std pod
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
