My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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