Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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