So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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