gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
