Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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