I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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