I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
