I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
