i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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