I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
