the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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