do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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