tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
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Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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