Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
