I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
