What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
