I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
