was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
