mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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