My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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