after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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