i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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