sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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