oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
