I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
