His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
