she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
