Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
