I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
