I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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