3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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