I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just googled if crying burns calories
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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