Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
