Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
