He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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