2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
