I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
