At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
