i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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