How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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