Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
