grandma shit on top of the toilet
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
