I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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