now i know why i became what i already was.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
