I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
