farters have to be the big spoon...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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