I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You dont lie about slip and slides
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
