all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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